Hiya friends. Seasons greetings! Welcome back to Dyl’s Movie Stuff’s Dyl’s Worst Christmas Ever, where I, Dylan, am going through and reviewing some of the worst Christmas movies ever made. It’s been quite the adventure, as we travel from one version of shit to the other. You never realize how many variations of crappy movies there really are until you just jump in head first. Today, we cover a new genre of crap that you don’t see much in holiday movies: the political satire. And, let’s just say this one is easily one of the worst “comedies” I’ve ever seen. Let’s get to it.
Ok, first off, An American Carol is not technically a Christmas movie. It actually takes place on the Fourth of July. But, it does adapt one of the most famous Christmas tales of all-time so I feel like it counts. And, man, if Dickens could see this he’d be rolling in his grave. This has to be one of the worst adaptations I’ve ever seen. On the most basic level, it gets the story wrong. Everyone knows that Ebenezer Scrooge was visited by four ghosts on Christmas Eve: Jacob Marley and the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future (portayed as a grim reaper type). Well, An American Carol just tosses that right out the window. There are only three ghosts here. We have John F. Kennedy serving as the Jacob Marley, George Patton as the past/present/future, and, then, Trace Adkins as Death. It’s like they fell so head over heels in love with Kelsey Grammer that they forgot to cast the other part. Not to mention how much of an absolute slap to the face this is to Dicken’s intentions. The original story is actually pretty liberal when you think about it. An old man learns that money isn’t everything. Instead we should focus on love, good spirits, compassion, and charity. This version turns the moral into: war is good and we shouldn’t treat everyone the same. Which, I don’t know… is kind of the exact opposite message.
Honestly, it really, really bums me out that this was directed by David Zucker. He’s one of the absolute geniuses behind Airplane and The Naked Gun. How did he fall this far? This is the movie equivalent of watching your drunk grandfather rant about how much better this country used to be. It’s an angry, racist, homophobic, ageist, and fat shaming mess that’s done in the worst possible taste. This movie goes as far as to equate being against the War on Terror with being pro-Nazi. It’s just ridiculous. To say I disagree politically with this movie would be the understatement of the decade. It’s propaganda for the MAGA crowd before MAGA was even a thing. But, honestly, that’s not the worst part. The worst part is that this is so unfunny. I want someone to count how many times a character is hit in the head. I bet it’s over 50. Then, count how many times the butt of the joke is how fat Michael Moore is. I bet that number is almost as high. Even gags that are very similar to ones pulled off in Airplane just feel so mean spirited here. Honestly, I think I’d hate this movie just as much if Zucker and I lined up politically. It’s just not a pleasant experience.
And why’d he have to drag Leslie Nielson into this too? Isn’t it bad enough to make me dislike one person involved in those classics.
So, yeah, I freaking hated An American Carol. It’s one of the least funny, most offensive movies I’ve ever seen. I don’t think I even cracked a smile once. Plus, it made me look at the director of some of my favorite movies in a much different, darker light. This is what happens though. We grow old. We fall out of touch. And we make shit like An American Carol. Then, we die.