Review: Snake Eyes

Snake Eyes (2021)

Director: Robert Schwentke

Writers: Evan Spilliotopoulos, Joe Shrapnel, and Anna Waterhouse

Starring: Henry Golding, Andrew Koji, Ursula Corbero, Samara Weaving, and Iko Uwais

Plot: Snake Eyes accidentally joins a much bigger world when he agrees to steal a weapon for a Japanese gang.

Review: Honestly, this review should probably just be a Facebook post, because it’s going to be one of the shorter ones I’ve posted here. Why? I am not overexaggerating at all when I say that Snake Eyes left almost no impression on me whatsoever. Don’t get me wrong. I watched the whole thing. I paid attention. I tried to care. I could tell you exactly what happened and why. But, I can’t name a single moment or scene that evoked any emotion in me other than boredom. It was like a trip to the BMV or a church service. There’s nothing inherently bad about those things, but you’d also rather be doing something else. That’s how I felt the entire runtime of this movie. There’s nothing original or groundbreaking here. Heck, there’s barely even anything entertaining. It’s just… there. This is the type of movie where you walk out going “Yep. That was a movie.” Maybe if you’re into G.I. Joe it’ll elicit more of a reaction from you, but I may have touched one action figure one time and barely remember seeing the 2009 movie at the drive-in so I can’t attest to that. So, yeah, not really much of a recommendation from me. I was just bored the entire time.

Actually, I lied. One thing about Snake Eyes did impress me. Shoutout to Alec Hammond, the production designer. Your sets were the only thing that stood out to me. So, thanks for giving me at least something to look at. Anyway, that’s it. That’s all I liked. End of review.

TL;DR: Snake Eyes exists.

Score: 4/10 (Bad)

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