Review: 47 Meters Down: Uncaged

Title: 47 Meters Down: Uncaged

Release Date: August 16, 2019

Director: Johannes Roberts

Starring: Sophie Nelisse, Corinne Foxx, Brianne Tju, Sistine Stallone, Davi Santos, Khylin Rhambo, Brec Bassinger, and John Corbett

Review: I used to say that the only shark movie worth watching was Jaws. And I stood by that through all the Deep Blue Seas, The Shallows, and the millions of SyFy original movies. That is, until 47 Meters Down proved me wrong. It was such a simple story. There were just two girls, one cage and a shark. Seeing them struggle to survive was both suspenseful and entertaining. It felt low budget in the best ways. And was proof that these types of movies can work. Well, this one threw all of that out the window.

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Review: Good Boys

Title: Good Boys

Release Date: August 16, 2019

Director: Gene Stupnitsky

Starring: Jacob Tremblay, Keith L. Williams, Brady Noon, Molly Gordon, Lil Rel Howery, Will Forte, and Midori Francis

Review: It was almost guaranteed that I would enjoy this movie. It had a whole lot going for it right out of the gate. First of all, Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg were producing it. Attaching them is almost the same as attaching Lord and Miller in my mind. Whether it’s film or tv, I know that I’m going to get something different and raunchier. I also know it’s going to be top notch as, for my money, they haven’t missed since 2012. It also featured Jacob Tremblay who I am a massive fan of. His performance in Room is probably one of the best of the decade. Then the trailers came out and I laughed my butt off. This was looking to be the comedy of the year. So, did it live up to the hype? Kinda.

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Review: The Angry Birds Movie 2

Title: The Angry Birds Movie 2

Release Date: August 13, 2019

Director: Thurop Van Orman

Starring: Jason Sudeikis, Josh Gad, Leslie Jones, Bill Hader, Rachel Bloom, Awkwafina, Sterling K. Brown, Eugenio Derbez, Danny McBride, and Peter Dinklage

Review: Well, this is a surprise. I had zero expectations heading into this movie. I avoided the first movie like the plague until literally just this week and hated it. Nothing in the trailers for this one hinted at anything different either. Plus, they already told the “story” of the game. Where could they go from there? So, to say I went into this with my arms crossed is a bit of an understatement. But, it slowly broke me down. Within the first couple minutes, I could tell this was a superior sequel. I was laughing. I was caring. It’s odd, but this is actually a good movie.

*Insert that one bird from these movies that goes “Oh my gaaawwd.*

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Thank you, Robin.

I can’t believe it’s been five years already. I don’t… really know what the point of this post is. I just feel like I can’t let an anniversary like this pass by without paying my respects to one of my favorite performers of all time. I loved him. His death hit me harder than maybe any celebrity death of my lifetime. It was like a family member had passed. I still miss him. There will never be anyone else quite like Robin.

Growing up as a kid in the 90s, I guess it was kind of inevitable that I’d form a fondness for Robin Williams. I was introduced to the guy at a super young age. He gave what I consider the best performance in an animated movie ever as Genie in Aladdin. I remember instantly being drawn to that character. I was amazed how he could jump from one joke to the next so quickly, while still having real heart and emotions. Even as a kid, I knew I was watching something special every time I’d pop in that VHS. What I didn’t realize was that I was starting a lifelong admiration for one of the greatest comedic minds ever.

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Review: Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark

Title: Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark

Release Date: August 9, 2019

Director: Andre Ovredal

Starring: Zoe Colletti, Michael Garza, Gabriel Rush, Austin Abrams, Dean Norris, Gil Bellows, and Lorraine Toussaint

Review: This is a very nostalgic weekend at the movies for people in my generation. We have two big screen adaptations of things that were wildly popular when we were kids. Of course, that’s where the similarities end. I don’t have the most storied history with Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark. I was a wimpy child and these books were far too scary for me. Of course, I did have friends who loved them and rejoiced in reading them out loud at sleepovers. So, I’ve heard a couple of these stories. And they scarred me for life. Does this movie live up to that reputation? Surprisingly, yes. I feel like this movie is going to scar a lot of children. And I’m excited for that.

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Review: The Kitchen

Title: The Kitchen

Release Date: August 9, 2019

Director: Andrea Berloff

Starring: Melissa McCarthy, Tiffany Haddish, Elisabeth Moss, Domhnall Gleeson, James Badge Dale, Brian d’Arcy James, Margo Martindale, Common, and Bill Camp

Review: This is probably going to be one of the shortest reviews I’ve ever written because I really don’t have a lot to say on this movie. It’s kind of just meh. I’m forgetting it more and more as time goes on. I only saw it a couple of hours ago and it’s already almost gone. But, I can’t really be blamed for it either. I’m sure even the stars have forgotten they made it. It even seems like the writers forgot about it and just kind of typed “The End” to send it to the producers. This is destined to be a trivia question that someone gets wrong on Jeopardy. Then, one person watching at home will go “Oh yeah. I forgot Melissa McCarthy was in a gangster movie.” That’s this movie’s future.

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Review: Dora and the Lost City of Gold

Title: Dora and the Lost City of Gold

Release Date: August 9, 2019

Director: James Bobin

Starring: Isabela Moner, Eugenio Derbez, Michael Pena, Eva Longoria, and Danny Trejo

Review: Remember Dora the Explorer? The cartoon aimed at preschoolers where a little girl went on strange, simple adventures, all while singing songs, speaking Spanish, and randomly talking to a non-existent audience. Of course you do! Everyone loved that show for it’s intricate plots and beloved characters, right? Your nostalgia has got to be strong enough to get you to go buy a ticket. After all, if Disney can bank on your childhood in live action, why can’t Nickelodeon? I mean… they could. This is just a weird place to start. But, with a Rotten Tomatoes score in the upper 70’s and the director of The Muppets at the helm, I thought there was a chance I might actually enjoy this. I was wrong. It’s not as bad as it could’ve been but I’d argue this movie is a long way from fresh.

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Dude, I’m so excited for Shia LaBeouf’s new movie, Honey Boy

I, like a lot of people my age, have a very interesting relationship with Shia LaBeouf. He’s one of the celebrities I grew up watching. I remember being thoroughly entertained by him as a kid in Even Stevens. He just had this really weird, wacky energy that stood out even on the Disney Channel. Then, I remember when he was “the next big thing.” He led the Transformers franchise as it made billions of dollars. He was supposed to replace Indiana Jones after Kingdom of the Cyrstal Skull. The dude was everywhere. Except, none of those movies could really be described as cinematic masterpieces and his career took quite a hit. Then, things got weird. Like, real weird. There was the “I’m not famous anymore” incident. He made the “JUST DO IT” video. And, let’s not forget the cinematic treasure that was actual cannibal Shia LeBeouf. He was known as the crazy guy. Even as his career started to turn around in the indie film arena, you still heard really strange stories coming for the set. Like, he pulled his tooth for Fury. He was really good in that but no one would’ve noticed if he had all of his teeth.

Anyways, this is just my long winded version of saying that Shia LaBeouf fascinates me. I want to know his story. I want to hear what happened to that energetic, happy little boy to turn him into the sad dude with a bag over his head. Luckily, the world heard my wishes and Shia wrote Honey Boy, based on his childhood.

I’m so excited. It premiered back in January at Sundance and apparently slayed. It currently stands at 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. And, it stars Lucas Hedges, who I’ve enjoyed in everything I’ve seen him in. He especially killed it in Manchester by the Sea. Oh, and Shia is playing his own father. That’s going to be interesting. So, I’ve been on board for a while. But this trailer sold me even more. I’m kind of in love with it. From the first shot of him suffering his way through a Transformers like movie to behind the scenes stuff in a Disney looking show to small Shia arguing about how his father needs him to pay rent. It all looks fascinating. I hope this shows in the Akron area almost right away because I will be there day one.

My Unpopular Positive Opinions

I saw this thing going around on r/movies today on Reddit called “The Unpopular Positive Opinions Challenge.” Apparently, it started off as a comic done by xkcd. This one to be more specific.

The idea is simple. Name a movie that you like, that came out while you were an adult (post 2010 for me), and has a rating below 50% on Rotten Tomatoes. Now, that last part is what makes it tricky. It can’t even be a mixed review movie. It has to be considered bad. Like, at least 10% under what RT usually considers bad. A lot of movies that I consider “guilty pleasures” fell right above this line and therefore didn’t count. No matter how badly I wanted to defend Unfriended which I absolutely love. (Maybe some other day.)

Well, I decided to take up this challenge. Here’s five movies from this decade that are generally considered bad but I actually enjoy, in order by Rotten Tomatoes score.

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Let’s Get to Know Each Other

Hello. It’s Dylan again. For my second post, I figured I’d kind of introduce myself. First by having an actually introduction and, then, by kind of catching up on my views of all the movies currently showing in the theaters. Because, what good are my reviews if you don’t know who I am or what I generally like, right?

Hi. My name is Dylan Ross Clites. I live in Akron, Ohio. I’m on the nerdier side. I like comic books, video games, and tv shows. But, my real passion is movies. I’ve always been one to read Entertainment Weekly and Wikipedia articles about movies since I was a little kind. But, oddly, my passion really started in 2009-2010. You see, I saw Avatar in theaters and lost. my. shit. I thought it was amazing. And, I watched it over and over and over again. I think I saw it in theaters like five times. Which, for me at that time, was a big deal. Hell, I even tuned in for the Oscars to watch it win Best Picture. I mean… it was one of the greatest movies I ever saw. Of course it was going to win.

Except it didn’t. And I was pissed. I had to know how these other movies could possibly be as good, if not better than Avatar. They were. I was wrong. Comparatively, I don’t even like Avatar that much anymore. But, my deep dive into that year’s Oscars kick started something in me. From that moment on, I was obsessed with the art of the cinema. Every year since then, I’ve seen at least 50 movies a year. I signed up for MoviePass before it was a dumpster fire. I did a 365 challenge where I watched a new movie every day for a year. And, I read about new and old movies for probably about an hour or so a day. I’ve always wanted to review stuff on a regular basis but never really took it seriously. Well, that’s changing here. I’m going to post (almost) every day. I’m going to see the newest movies (I already was). And, I’m going to review them. I promise you and, most importantly, I promise myself.

Also, I must admit, right off the bat, that I’m kind of a Disney fan. The Disney animated movies, Pixar, Marvel, and Star Wars are probably my biggest fandoms. So, sorry in advance if those get a lot of coverage on this blog and you’re not a fan. I’m a big part of the reason those movies make a billion dollars each.

That having been said. Let’s catch up on the ones I’ve seen recently which didn’t get a review. Heck, why not rank them while I’m at it too? (I’m using what’s still showing in my local theaters as a guideline here.

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