Starring: Zoe Colletti, Michael Garza, Gabriel Rush, Austin Abrams, Dean Norris, Gil Bellows, and Lorraine Toussaint
Review: This is a very nostalgic weekend at the movies for people in my generation. We have two big screen adaptations of things that were wildly popular when we were kids. Of course, that’s where the similarities end. I don’t have the most storied history with Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark. I was a wimpy child and these books were far too scary for me. Of course, I did have friends who loved them and rejoiced in reading them out loud at sleepovers. So, I’ve heard a couple of these stories. And they scarred me for life. Does this movie live up to that reputation? Surprisingly, yes. I feel like this movie is going to scar a lot of children. And I’m excited for that.
Starring: Melissa McCarthy, Tiffany Haddish, Elisabeth Moss, Domhnall Gleeson, James Badge Dale, Brian d’Arcy James, Margo Martindale, Common, and Bill Camp
Review: This is probably going to be one of the shortest reviews I’ve ever written because I really don’t have a lot to say on this movie. It’s kind of just meh. I’m forgetting it more and more as time goes on. I only saw it a couple of hours ago and it’s already almost gone. But, I can’t really be blamed for it either. I’m sure even the stars have forgotten they made it. It even seems like the writers forgot about it and just kind of typed “The End” to send it to the producers. This is destined to be a trivia question that someone gets wrong on Jeopardy. Then, one person watching at home will go “Oh yeah. I forgot Melissa McCarthy was in a gangster movie.” That’s this movie’s future.
Starring: Isabela Moner, Eugenio Derbez, Michael Pena, Eva Longoria, and Danny Trejo
Review: Remember Dora the Explorer? The cartoon aimed at preschoolers where a little girl went on strange, simple adventures, all while singing songs, speaking Spanish, and randomly talking to a non-existent audience. Of course you do! Everyone loved that show for it’s intricate plots and beloved characters, right? Your nostalgia has got to be strong enough to get you to go buy a ticket. After all, if Disney can bank on your childhood in live action, why can’t Nickelodeon? I mean… they could. This is just a weird place to start. But, with a Rotten Tomatoes score in the upper 70’s and the director of The Muppets at the helm, I thought there was a chance I might actually enjoy this. I was wrong. It’s not as bad as it could’ve been but I’d argue this movie is a long way from fresh.
I, like a lot of people my age, have a very interesting relationship with Shia LaBeouf. He’s one of the celebrities I grew up watching. I remember being thoroughly entertained by him as a kid in Even Stevens. He just had this really weird, wacky energy that stood out even on the Disney Channel. Then, I remember when he was “the next big thing.” He led the Transformers franchise as it made billions of dollars. He was supposed to replace Indiana Jones after Kingdom of the Cyrstal Skull. The dude was everywhere. Except, none of those movies could really be described as cinematic masterpieces and his career took quite a hit. Then, things got weird. Like, real weird. There was the “I’m not famous anymore” incident. He made the “JUST DO IT” video. And, let’s not forget the cinematic treasure that was actual cannibal Shia LeBeouf. He was known as the crazy guy. Even as his career started to turn around in the indie film arena, you still heard really strange stories coming for the set. Like, he pulled his tooth for Fury. He was really good in that but no one would’ve noticed if he had all of his teeth.
Anyways, this is just my long winded version of saying that Shia LaBeouf fascinates me. I want to know his story. I want to hear what happened to that energetic, happy little boy to turn him into the sad dude with a bag over his head. Luckily, the world heard my wishes and Shia wrote Honey Boy, based on his childhood.
I’m so excited. It premiered back in January at Sundance and apparently slayed. It currently stands at 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. And, it stars Lucas Hedges, who I’ve enjoyed in everything I’ve seen him in. He especially killed it in Manchester by the Sea. Oh, and Shia is playing his own father. That’s going to be interesting. So, I’ve been on board for a while. But this trailer sold me even more. I’m kind of in love with it. From the first shot of him suffering his way through a Transformers like movie to behind the scenes stuff in a Disney looking show to small Shia arguing about how his father needs him to pay rent. It all looks fascinating. I hope this shows in the Akron area almost right away because I will be there day one.
I saw this thing going around on r/movies today on Reddit called “The Unpopular Positive Opinions Challenge.” Apparently, it started off as a comic done by xkcd. This one to be more specific.
The idea is simple. Name a movie that you like, that came out while you were an adult (post 2010 for me), and has a rating below 50% on Rotten Tomatoes. Now, that last part is what makes it tricky. It can’t even be a mixed review movie. It has to be considered bad. Like, at least 10% under what RT usually considers bad. A lot of movies that I consider “guilty pleasures” fell right above this line and therefore didn’t count. No matter how badly I wanted to defend Unfriended which I absolutely love. (Maybe some other day.)
Well, I decided to take up this challenge. Here’s five movies from this decade that are generally considered bad but I actually enjoy, in order by Rotten Tomatoes score.
Hello. It’s Dylan again. For my second post, I figured I’d kind of introduce myself. First by having an actually introduction and, then, by kind of catching up on my views of all the movies currently showing in the theaters. Because, what good are my reviews if you don’t know who I am or what I generally like, right?
Hi. My name is Dylan Ross Clites. I live in Akron, Ohio. I’m on the nerdier side. I like comic books, video games, and tv shows. But, my real passion is movies. I’ve always been one to read Entertainment Weekly and Wikipedia articles about movies since I was a little kind. But, oddly, my passion really started in 2009-2010. You see, I saw Avatar in theaters and lost. my. shit. I thought it was amazing. And, I watched it over and over and over again. I think I saw it in theaters like five times. Which, for me at that time, was a big deal. Hell, I even tuned in for the Oscars to watch it win Best Picture. I mean… it was one of the greatest movies I ever saw. Of course it was going to win.
Except it didn’t. And I was pissed. I had to know how these other movies could possibly be as good, if not better than Avatar. They were. I was wrong. Comparatively, I don’t even like Avatar that much anymore. But, my deep dive into that year’s Oscars kick started something in me. From that moment on, I was obsessed with the art of the cinema. Every year since then, I’ve seen at least 50 movies a year. I signed up for MoviePass before it was a dumpster fire. I did a 365 challenge where I watched a new movie every day for a year. And, I read about new and old movies for probably about an hour or so a day. I’ve always wanted to review stuff on a regular basis but never really took it seriously. Well, that’s changing here. I’m going to post (almost) every day. I’m going to see the newest movies (I already was). And, I’m going to review them. I promise you and, most importantly, I promise myself.
Also, I must admit, right off the bat, that I’m kind of a Disney fan. The Disney animated movies, Pixar, Marvel, and Star Wars are probably my biggest fandoms. So, sorry in advance if those get a lot of coverage on this blog and you’re not a fan. I’m a big part of the reason those movies make a billion dollars each.
That having been said. Let’s catch up on the ones I’ve seen recently which didn’t get a review. Heck, why not rank them while I’m at it too? (I’m using what’s still showing in my local theaters as a guideline here.
Starring: Dwayne Johnson, Jason Statham, Idris Elba, Vanessa Kirby, and Helen Mirren
Review: Hey. First review. Cool. I’m glad it’s to this movie because I’ve got a confession to make. I kind of love the Fast & Furious franchise. It’s big. It’s stupid. It’s over the top. But, man, oh man, is it fun. Though, I have to say I was a little nervous about this one. Could it live up to the “family” legacy without Diesel, Walker, or even Rodriguez? The answer is complicated. Overall, I had a good time with this movie but I do think it’s towards the middle of my rankings. It fails to meet the heights of Furious 7 but also doesn’t stink up the waters like 2 Fast 2 Furious.